The value of time in building compassion

I had a chaplain once, who, when I dumped my problems on him, used to grab me by the scruff of the neck and drag me to the wall of our counseling room. There, he pushed my nose against the yucky green wallpaper that had tiny pink roses on it. "Tell me about the pattern," he demanded. It was all blurry and I couldn't do so. Actually, I was angry that he wouldn't solve my problems for me. I responded that the whole pattern was out of focus and I couldn't say much except it was green and pink. He released his hold on my collar and said, "Yes, that's right. Now take a step back and see how more of it comes into focus. You have to get away or depersonalize your difficulties in order to see them more clearly." I hated that comment, but something inside told me that he was right, if only I could muster the courage and patience to follow that advice. I have hurt very deeply and often in this life. Now, in retrospect, I can see that these events caused my broken heart to open a bit more. When I hurt now, I know it more as an invitation to be even more compassionate with those around me who are hurting and have no "big picture" in which they can understand that the events are all an invitation to know more about ourselves and thus, about others. In that way we become a better brother or sister to them.